Lust in the Fast Lane
(USA 1984)



Running Time: 75 minutes
Video Certificate: Still Banned [I think]
Directed by: Adam
Starring: Traci Lords, Ginger Lynn, Tom Byron
Genre: Pornography - Hardcore
Themes: Sex vampire



Tag lines:

"She'll go all the way with you"



Plot:

Jackie and Bill (Traci Lords and Tom Byron) are a young married couple. They run out of petrol and are forced to walk to the nearest house. The house is used by a group of swingers into group sex and partner swapping. Our young couple are seduced and begin to join in the games with relish. Traci gets pulled away to join one couple while Tom is seduced by Ginger Lynn. Lynn then takes Traci off for a lengthy lesbian encounter while Tom gets three beautiful brunettes to satisfy. The pair still want each other though and have a private bubble-bath together having exhausted everyone else. Everything is going swingingly except the mysterious host Jake (Eric Edwards) seems reluctant to let them leave. In a very silly twist at the end of the movie it turns out they are all vampires and turn Tom, forcing him to join their life of hedonism (and no we don't see what happens to Traci, I'm presuming she was turned earlier though you don't get to see that.)

Vampires:

Archetype: Sex Vampire.


Vampires:

Additional lore specific to this film: vampires can go out in daylight and have access to a smoke machine!

A note on the fangs: Definitely of the "so bad, run screaming" variety, Appalling, even for a porn film!




Eye Candy: Babewatch

Two of the hottest female stars of the 1980's adult industry together. Traci Lords. Ginger Lynn. Nuff said.





Eye Candy: Hunkwatch

Tom Byron and Peter North



Eye Candy: vampirewatch

This is so bad there are no "Best vampire moments" and genre fans should run screaming at what "vampire" content there is!



Thoughts:
As a classic porn movie this isn't bad. Traci Lords is stunning and the lesbian scene with her and Ginger Lynn has been described as one of the hottest ever filmed. It is very 80's so we get unshaven girls with real breasts, quite a change from today. Music is cheesy, setting rather dull, (though the bath scene is nice) and the lighting is so so.... There is one example of spit screen - four couplings on screen at once which is distracting and sadly unerotic (that's the big miss scene folks). But overall, this is 'classic' 80's porn featuring some of the decade's most attractive stars. If you like that sort of thing you'll probably enjoy this.

As a vampire film however, this is beyond appalling. The 'vampirism' element takes up perhaps 2 minutes of tacked on screen time at the end. How are these swingers vampires? They can go out in sunlight and apart from the scene where they turn Tom, absolutely no evidence of them feeding or even having fangs. Oh dear oh dear oh dear. This has to be the least gothic or vampiric vampire film I've ever seen.



Did you Know?

This is one of the porn 'classics' and is highly regarded although now sadly unavailable. Traci Lords, for those of you who don't remember was the hottest porn star of the 80's until it was discovered that she had lied about her age and was in fact under age when she began, causing the adult industry great embarrassment. Her early films (I think it was something crazy like 77) had to be pulled because she was underage. This film was made in 1984 (the year she turned 16)... From the lack of release info I think they banned it, but I'm not certain.



Say What? Cool Quotes:

It's a porn film. Hardly Shakespeare! If you are looking for quotes you really do need to get a life!



Anorak Connections:

Traci Lords also plays Nadine in the vampire film Not of this Earth (1988) and makes a cameo appearance as vampire "Raquel" in the opening scene of Blade (1998)



Tom Byron stars in the adult vampire film Princess of the Night (1990)





Release Info:

Grainy VHS rips are available if you look hard enough. Picture quality, as you can see from the stills, is awful, but just about watchable.



Gratuity rating:
Sex/Nudity: Porn/x-rated

Vampire Bites:

Screams: None of horror

Human deaths: None

Vampire deaths: None



Final Word:

I'm going to have this a resounding 0/10. Yes it's an ok, even pretty good porn film But it is a terrible vampire movie adding NOTHING to the vampire movie genre apart from embarrassment. Fans of vampires should leave this one well alone.



Verdict: 0/10


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